Controversial But True

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: babies are horrible people.

This is perhaps a controversial statement but I invite you to hear me out. I feel like I’m standing on really on pretty solid ground here.

Because I’m 100% certain that if you had a friend that acted like a baby acts, you would not hesitate to unfriend them on Facebook, unfollow them on Instagram, block them on Snapchat, and delete their number from your phone.

Given to fits of rage at the drop of a hat (even a birthday hat!), the tyranny of babies needs to be talked about more. 

The Case Against Babies

Just for starters, I think we can all agree that babies are moody as moody can be. They’re given to fits rage and of screaming
when they’re the least bit tired or hungry. Tell me: is that the kind of friend you want in your life?

What’s more babies are notorious for having extremely poor personal hygiene. I hate to say it but it’s true! In fact, I have never once met a baby that actually washed themselves. Have you?

And then, what is perhaps worst of all about babies is how very self-centered they are. Lord have mercy, are they self centered!
I mean, when was the last time a baby ever asked you how your day was going? Never! That’s because babies are so self-absorbed that they make Kanye West look like some sort of Mother Theresa figure.

As I said, babies are horrible, horrible people.

Is this baby going to wash herself off – I don’t think so!

And Yet…

And yet, in the Gospel of Matthew, when asked who is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven, Jesus points to an example of a small child and says, “The greatest in the Kingdom of heaven is the one who becomes like this child”

So clearly, Jesus is suggesting that when it comes to being good, godly, and mature adults, we have something to learn babies.

But somehow – and I know I’m going out on a limb here – I don’t think Jesus is here suggesting that we should all stop bathing or go lead lives of total self-absorption and narcissism. Rather, I think he means that we should become like little children in some other way.

Jesus says we should become like little children. Is it possible that babies have redeeming qualities?

One Final Fault of Babies

With this passage, I believe Jesus is pointing to one final fault of babies: they are lousy, lousy networkers.

If you take a baby to a networking event, they’re not going to work the room like you are I might work the room. They’re not going to walk by or ignore some people in order to seek out a high net-worth individual who can help them advance their career or move up the social ladder.

Why not?

Because babies don’t discriminate between people like that. They don’t divide people into categories like that. They don’t cast judgement on this group of people or that group of people.

To a baby every child of god is equal, every child of god is worthy, every child of god is deserving of love.

In the eyes of a baby, every child of god is equal, worthy, and deserving of love.

The Greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven

So the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, Jesus is saying,  are those who humble themselves such that they don’t think themselves above anyone else, don’t feel they need to look down on anyone else. The greatest in the kingdom of heaven are those who are able to let go of those categories of  worthy and unworthy, deserving and undeserving, and  instead are able to look around and recognize we are all beloved children of God.

Again, this way looking at the world makes babies lousy networkers. Don’t bother connecting with a baby on LinkedIn – you’ll get nothing out of it!  But, it turns out, this trait makes them worthy of our emulation as we seek to grow into the type of people that God wants us to be.